literature

is this love

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Orkekum's avatar
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Literature Text

is this love
texting when i feel this way
is this love
when watching a sunset alone
thinking of you
is this love
wondering how you are today
is this love
watching a movie tonight
wishing you were here

long dreams
short discussions
small wishes
large dreams

tell me, 'cause i am lost
out of words
Speechles, as would you say
'cause tell me
is this love

i care more than you can ever imagine
you say you're sick
i worry myself sick
you smile, i laugh
you cry, we cry

God has a dark sense of humour
Why have the distances have to be
so far so far away
Maybe

maybe
© 2012 - 2024 Orkekum
Comments49
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nosedivve's avatar
short discussions
I suggest changing the word discussions because it broke the flow slightly compared to the other lines in that stanza. I suggest changing it to 'talks'. Here's my suggestion as how to change it to make it sound better with flow and all -
big dreams
little talks

Oh, and was there a reason as to why you repeated 'dreams' in that stanza? It doesn't seem needed to me, but there's probably a significance behind it, so that's why I'm asking.
I really like how you have the long/short small/large thing going on. It's a nice contrast!

My suggestions for stanza 3 -
tell me, 'cause i'm
at a loss with words
Speechless, as would you say
'cause i want you
to tell me
is this love

The reason for my suggestions is because the word choice was awkward in two spots. It was understandable but awkward, grammar-wise. Also, there was a spelling error (speechless).

That's all the suggestions I have because everything else seems great and not awkward at all. The meaning is very clear and I'm sure everyone (who can feel) has felt this once before in their life - which is a great kind of poem! It really touches people. I feel like if you change it a bit it would make a great song! :)